A Very, Very Long One and Our Last

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
January 24, 2011
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I try
I can still feel the place
Where the ball of your hand pressed the flesh above my elbow
I could have bent my arm and held you there a little longer
If I could have held you at all
And the spot where I had wedged my shoulder between the door and the frame
Before you pulled me back in
(I had been on my way out of the room, as you will remember)
And my feet, the toe of one shoe awkwardly perched atop the other
And your feet surrounding them, bracing them

I can feel the way my jaw stretched
As though attempting to call forth a note at the tip of my range
Only hurriedly, frantically
As if I were in a race
As if you would have slipped past me had I slowed down even for a moment

It was soft and hard
A sliver of rainbow shot through cirrus clouds
The dull red glow of the alarm clock
Birdsong and melancholy sonatas and breathing
Salt from the chips
And sweetness from the cola you had drunk to wash them down
And that scent of warmth and skin
The scent that tells you that you are very, very close

If I try
I can believe it was, as you said, an accident, an anomaly
One that will never happen again

what i realized after

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
January 12, 2011
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i had meant to look at you
when you were talking
i really had
but i was thinking of so many things

had i looked at you
perhaps i would have seen
that you didn’t want me to answer

perhaps i would have kept my mouth shut

had i looked
i would have held you
with my eyes

i would have stared and stared
until my expression mirrored yours
or complemented it
which might have been a comfort

but my words, tepid and disjointed,
made you turn away

and when i looked at last
you were gone

Just Friends

How many times have you tried to write one thing and ended up with something else? I started out with the first line and the intention of writing a jazz-flavored ballad and ended up with a poem. I still can't come up with any kind of tune to go with it. Which is just as well, since I can't play jazz for anything...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
January 13, 2011
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish I had a kiss to spare for you,
One not bound up in promises and ties—
For I would never want to care for you
In ways that fill my lips with pretty lies.

And you? Friendship is all you’ve ever sought.
So must my inconvenient odds and ends
Be relegated to a tender thought,
For you and I will always be just friends.

Yet had I proper words to say to you,
Articulating what I cannot show,
Or, lacking those, the skill to play to you,
Arpeggiating what I’d have you know,

I’d find the intersecting lines of chance
Where inexorability begins
And hurtle heedlessly down happenstance
T’ward you, for all we’d always be just friends.

There are times I wonder why
This quiet yearning
Has wrapped itself around my cautious heart.
Then such moments skitter by,
And Earth keeps turning,
While our mostly separate lives
Go on mostly worlds apart.

Don’t think I’d want it any other way.
I’ll harbor no regrets or might-have-beens
But wish my empty wishes as I may,
Content that we will always be just friends.